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第23章学会接受自己LearniYourself
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&borndoubtingourselves.Welearntodoit.Infact，weareusuallytaughttodoubtourselves.Ofteodosobyotherwiseleassingalongtheirowndoubtsaiesaheyarebeiiveandg.eople（usuallyparentsandnifitadults）warong，dself-tpeople，buttheyofteeachusthoughtprocessesthatleadtosomethi'sthebadhegoodhatwederstaheseprodlearnneingthatallowustobeoreagofourselves.Followingaresixbehaviorsyoumayhavelearlearnedandallowyoutomreaterself-ace.
&oreallydislikeyourselfistoalwaysjudgeyourselfinaverymoralisticleofteoftimeandeheirbehaviorwithmoraladjectivessuchas"bad"，"hateful"a;.lythesekindsofwordstoyourselfyoumakelikingyourselfmuchmoredifficult.Thereisamoreproductivewayoflookingatyourselfthatwillallowyoutobegintolikeyourselfmore.Insteadofevaluatihismoralisticway，begintoaskquestio;DidIdowhatIreallywaodointhissituation?""HowIcorrectthemisuandingthatoccurred?"Inotherwords，youstarttovie;apos;vedoneasproduon-productiveratherthanasgoodorbad.Ifsomethingisnon-productive，youfowhatyouhavelearandtryanotherapproachthatmightbemoreproductive.
Ahatmightcauseyounottoacceptyourselfiseneralizingaboutsomethingyou'vedoyoudon'tlike.So，forexample，ifyoufailatestyoumightgeneralizeandsay，"I'mreallyastupidperson."Whenyoudothisyastatementaboutallofyouallofthetimeandnotjustaboutthisoionatthistime.Instead，youmightdecidethatyradeohissubjectatthistimewasindeedpoor，aodecidewhatyouwanttodoabrade，ifaudiscesystepsthatmightallowyoutodobetteroexamandbuildsaionoffuturefailure.
Havingstandardsthatareimpossiblyhighisathirdwayyouotacceptyourself.Itmaynoteasasurprisetoyouthatmostofusaremoredemandingofourselvesthahers.Somehowwetoleratethefactthatotherpeoplefail，thattheyaren'talwayskind，thatthey'vedoheyaren'tproudof，butwehavedifficultyagthoseveryhumasofourselves.Theisaosetyourselfupforfailureahefeelingthatyouareable.Weallmakemistakes.Aglessthaionsimplymeansregthelimitatioinbeingbornahumaovaluewhoyouareratherthanwhoyoue.ToquoteLieerfromapopularicstrip，"Theos;sheaviestburdeial."os;titbeifwealwayshadtodowhatweimaginewecoulddo?Nobodyhasthetimeaodoallofthat.Wemustmakechoicesaboutillpursueahebestwederthecirces（;apos;talwaysideal，bythe
&hatyoushouldalwaysbeabletoattainyoalsaslongasyouwhisawithself-ace.Youwillreayoalsandshouldgiveyourselfcreditfdoneso.Someofushavetroubleseeingoursuccessesbecausewefouourfailuresandmahefailureseafteralotofhardersoseemsthatallthathardworkshouldpayreagthegoalwesetouttoachieve.Itishardtoacceptthatagivengoalmaybeoutofourreadthatmaybebeanyfagthefactthatwemayalentorskilloreachthegoal.Ofcoursetheremaybeotherfaoperationthatmaketheagofthatgoalatthattimeimpossible-healths，finanilydifficulties，extraressors，oraherfactalether.Therealtricktoself-aceistoseethatthegoalisunattaifornow，andshiftingyourfoplishingwhatyouplishuacludeevaluatingyoalanddegwhetherornottouewithit.Italsomeansgiviforwhatyouhaveaplishedandwhatyouhavelearnedfromyourexperiences.
Judgingyourselfbywhatothershaveaplishedisasurewaytoloweryourself-ace.Haveyouyouneverpareyourselftopeoplewhoseemtoaspiretolessthanyoudoandthatyoualwayschoosethosepeoplewhoarethetopperformersorthemostpopularasyouryardstickforsuccess?Areyouasgoodasyourfriends，yourbrotherorsister，yourparentsorJoeBlow?Andhowabtobelike"normal"peopleare?（Andwhoorwhatdetermiis"normal"?）lybegoodifyou'rebetterthansomeoneelse?Wheherpeopleasouryardsti'ttakingintosiderationourownpersonallimitatios.Forexample，ifsomeoobemorearticulatethanyou，youdiwoways:Youeupsetaelliyoushouldbeasarticulateasthatperson，orynizeahefactthatthereareprobablyalotofpeopleouttherewhoaremorearticulatethanyouattimesaaindthatisOK.Itdoesn'tmeanathingaboutyou.Playingtheeisadeade.Bydoingthatyouareprobablymissiherqualitiesbywhichyoujudgeyourownworth，likeyourhoy，friendliness，ature，dedidsoforth.Andreally，peopledon'tvalueyouforhowmuchyouarelikesomeoheydovalueyouforthewaysyyou.
Justpassivelylettingyourlifehappemoredifficulttoacceptyourself.Partofagyourselfisengaginginactivitiesthathelpyoulikeyourself.Thinkbaeswhenyouos;tedaboutyouracceptability.Whatkindsofthingswereyoudoing?Howwereyouspendingyourtime?Toadlikeyourselfmeansthatyouapproveofhyourlife.Ifyouaren'tagyourself，youprobablydon'tliketheactivitiesyou&apedin.Ydissatisfied.Awaytoincreaseyourself-aemoreagagedinyourlife.Lookforthoseactivitiesaionshipsthatgiveyouthemostehemosteyoucouldpossiblyhave，butthemostyougetfromyourchoicesatthemomehihingsyouhavealwayswarybutdidn'tbecauseyoufeltyoup;apos;tdotheTrythemwiththeattitudethatyouwanttoknoouldactuallybeliketodotheYoumayfindthattheyareeyouwanttouetheYoumayfindthattheyareOK，butnotworthg.Youmayfindthatyoudon'tlikethematallandfeelfigthemoffyourlistofthingstaingrealexperienceisawayoffeeliyourselfandgainingmoreyourabilities.
自我怀疑并非天性，而是后天学来的。
事实上，怀疑自己通常是被教化的结果。
那些教化者往往正经历困惑和犹疑，他们善意地以为自己是出于保护和关爱，他们（通常是父母或其他重要的长辈）希望我们成为强壮、能干和自信的人。
但不经意间，他们教导我们思考的方式却常常导致不良的后果。
可喜的是，我们可以理解这种方式，并学习新的方式以更好地接受自我。
以下有六种行为可以帮你增强自我认可度，你可能学过但并不一定完全理解。
说教式的自我评价
用说教的方式进行自我评价确实是令人自暴自弃的一种方式。
人们经常耗费大量时间和精力用这样的形容词来评定自己：“差劲”
、“可恶”
和“低劣”
。
如果你用这些词来形容自己，想要自我认可是非常困难的。
有这样一种方式可以让你更欣赏自己，不是用说教式的自责，而是开始问自己一些这样的问题：“在这种情形下，我是在做自己真正想做的事吗？”
“我要怎样消除误会呢？”
换言之，你开始用有无成效来看待问题，而不是用好坏来评判。
如果某事没有成效，你可以集中精神吸取教训，并尝试其他的方法以取得更大的成效。
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